How to Solve Relationship Problems Without Breaking Up?

          

      Problems are a natural part of any relationship, including romantic relationships. They can either help a couple grow stronger or end the relationship. So how do you avoid the latter?

     It requires an overall understanding that it is not humanly possible to have a perfect relationship. In fact, it is quite “normal” for every relationship to experience “problems” as a result of two different human beings having two different and unique life experiences that shape two different and unique opinions about life.

We are all distinct and unrepeatable, which means that it is less important (because it is not possible!) to agree about everything and more important to learn how to value and respect each person’s unique childhood upbringing that wired up their personality in a unique way.

   Every relationship is going to face some problems at some point. If you give up and break up every time a challenge arises then you’re never going to sustain a long-term relationship. What you need to have are problems-solving strategies that allow you and your partner to make over those issues with respect for each other. Hence we are listing some of the top tips suggested by experts for avoiding a breakup. Breaking up with your partner can be the easy way out but it’s often not as fulfilling as working things out. Before you give up on your relationship try these suggestions.

Every couple that comes into my office complains that “we are just SO different from each other, maybe it means we don’t belong together.”

I remind them of two things:

1. You have both ALWAYS been this different from each other, and despite that, you made the decision to marry this person, and
2. Healthy, mature love is about learning how to navigate your differences by respecting each other’s uniqueness and finding the value in your partner’s specific life experiences that shaped his or her personality into the one that you fell in love with.

   If on the other hand, either person sees their relationship problems as a reason to torpedo the relationship, it is another sign of emotional immaturity.

    I’m not saying that some problems in a relationship may seem to be insurmountable and cause one or both partners to feel hopeless about whether or not the relationship will ever get out from underneath those problems.

  But in that case, it behaves the couple to get themselves in front of some third party referee that come help them learn how to meet in the middle!

  Finally, the one thing that is absolutely crucial for a healthy change to occur when a relationship is having problems—is for both people to have the willingness to change and identify their own blind-spots that get in the way of working things out.

  This act of good faith sends a message to the other partner that blaming each other only bogs the healing process down and breeds mistrust.

  Finding a way to meet in the middle helps to create an egalitarian partnership where BOTH SETS OF NEEDS are important and respected.

  During dating, you two may have felt that you agreed with each other on everything. But, after you married things changed.

  You were probably shocked when you realized the object of your affections, your dream come true, the Prince or Princess Charming you fell in love with had different ideas about how life, love, home, finances, and children should be.

  Any willing couple can learn to build a happy relationship if they stop reacting and learn to respond thoughtfully. As an individual you have ideas and beliefs about how certain things in life should be handled, and so does your partner; and we all tend to assume everyone, especially a person who loves us, will see it our way. I’ve also learned from my own experience that there’s a big difference between the skills and attitudes one needs to date and fall in love, and what is needed to make married life, home and family work smoothly.

   There’s a difference between being lovers and being partners, and on top of all that, keeping enough romance and fun alive to make it all feel worthwhile. Those of us who succeed are the blessed ones, the happy ones, and you can be, too.

• Have A Conversation Somewhere Comfortable

You may not think of it as a priority but physical or mental discomfort makes you grumpier and less able to cooperate with your partner. Trying choosing a place where each of you can sit down and feel as relaxed as possible.

• Hold Your Partner’s Hand

As long as the issue isn’t a major mistake made by one of you, try holding your partner’s hand when you start an important discussion. Holding hands and touch in general, releases hormones that help you feel calmer and more affectionate to your partner. However, if a big mistake was made, then the hurt partner may not be receptive to being touched and that should be respected.

• Avoid drama

We often grow up with parents who create a lot of drama – fighting, cold silences, leaving and returning, court battles, child custody problems, and financial struggles. Drama of that type is never necessary – it’s a result of adults acting like upset children. Avoid dramatic pronouncements, scenes, and ultimatums when problems arise. Instead, learn to sit down as an adult, and talk about what the solution might be; think and act as you do at work when a problem. 

• Talk About Yourself

When things are going well, it’s usually suggested that you focus on your partner and ask them about themselves. But when you’re having an argument it’s better to make “I” statements about how are felling and what you need rather than “you” statements about how you are feeling and what you rather than “you” statements about what you perceive they are doing wrong. And don’t start off with an accusation

• Walk Out In The Right Way

It’s okay to say you need to take a break from a tense conversation, especially if things are getting too heated. But leaving your partner wondering, when or if you will return to the conversation may make them feel more confrontational. Instead, let them know that you need to take 5 minutes or whatever amount you decide, to calm down on your own. Let them know where you are going and when you will return to finish talking.

• Make A Request Rather Than An Accusation

Criticizing your partner is never a good strategy for keeping your relationship happy and healthy. If your partner’s habit is bothering you or you feel ignored by them, try suggesting an activity that would make both of you happy. For instance, if your partner stays up late working, or playing around on the internet ask if they would like to schedule a couple nights a week to watch a movie or play a game with you.

      These are some of the tips you can try to keep the relationship going into a breakup. A healthy relationship is about respecting each other. If you’re having trouble learning to use these strategies. A relationship counsellor can provide you and your partner with additional guidance.